The Brains on Fire Guide to a Drama-Free Office Holiday Party

Office holiday parties can be full of drama, but have no fear, we at BOF have a quick list to make sure those office Ho Ho Ho’s don’t turn into No No No’s.



Don’t diffuse Frankincense essential oils. Also, don’t diffuse any essential oils.


Don’t declare that there is a ‘war on Christmas’ when someone eats the last sugar cookie.


Don’t have a ‘Surprise’ Mistletoe. It’s a Human Resources landmine.



Do not play the Rob Thomas Christmas album. ((OR Clay Aiken, David Hasselhoff, Colonel Sanders (real thing), Regis Philbin (real thing))).


Designate one person to be play Santa that night. Having multiple Santa’s at your holiday party breaks the illusion and dampens morale.


If you’ve had more than three spiked eggnogs and your sentence begins with, “You know, I’ve always wanted to say this…” Stop it. Just stop it, right now.


Don’t invite these guys.



Don’t challenge anyone that can fire you to a dance off.


Make sure the paper you shred to make fake snow aren’t important documents.


No matter how good of a time you’re having, don’t share any passwords.


If you forgot to bring your Secret Santa gift, just leave the party.


Alvin and The Chipmunks ‘Christmas Don’t Be Late’ can only be played once. We suggest right in the beginning so you get it out of the way.


If you are standing in a group of people and there is a lull in conversation, stay away from how you are thinking of leaving this company to start a similar company.


Don’t assume that someone is wearing an ugly sweater as a festive joke.



Don’t use any controversial hashtags in your Instagram posts of the party. (examples: #lastchristmasyougavemearaise #werklyfe #chrismukkah)


Stay away from announcing your retirement, engagement, pregnancy, or candidacy for city Fire Chief at the party. Just enjoy the night. You can post that stuff on Facebook in the morning.


No dance circles.



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